Welcome to The Funny/Alerts Newsletter. Interesting week we had here. STREET VIBRATIONS attracted 40,000+ people to Reno for one of the best motorcycle shows in the country. Driving anywhere seemed to put you in a parade of Harley-Davidsons. At one point, traffic in Carson City was more snarled than usual and "bikers" were trying to work their way through the mess. As things started to move, I pulled a little to the right so as to make some extra room and waved a bunch of them around. "Thank you!" one of the ladies said as she scooted by. After all, they just wanted to be with their friends like I would if it had been me.
Josh came up from L.A. Wednesday (sans bike) and stayed until Saturday. Then, even though he was coming down with the flu, he had to get back and cover his shift at 911 (he's an operator). Friday night Woody, Megan and Cabrina finally showed up... also sans bike. As I write this, they are still in town because of a bad transmission in their van.

Co-Conspirator To Make The World A Better Place

Here's code of the knights that I promised you:

A Code of Chivalry 
-modern, based on the "Old Code" 
Brian R. Price 
April, 1997 

Prowess: To seek excellence in all endeavors expected of a knight, martial and otherwise, seeking strength to be used in the service of justice, rather than in personal aggrandizement. 

Justice: Seek always the path of 'right', unencumbered by bias or personal interest. Recognize that the sword of justice can be a terrible thing, so it must be tempered by humanity and mercy. If the 'right' you see rings agrees with others, and you seek it out without bending to the temptation for expediency, then you will earn renown beyond measure. 

Loyalty: Be known for unwavering commitment to the people and ideals you choose to live by. There are many places where compromise is expected; loyalty is not amongst them. 

Defense: The ideal knight was sworn by oath to defend his liege lord and those who depended upon him. Seek always to defend your nation, your family, and those to whom you believe worthy of loyalty. 

Courage: Being a knight often means choosing the more difficult path, the personally expensive one. Be prepared to make personal sacrifices in service of the precepts and people you value. At the same time, a knight should seek wisdom to see that stupidity and courage are cousins. Courage also means taking the side of truth in all matters, rather than seeking the expedient lie. Seek the truth whenever possible, but remember to temper justice with mercy, or the pure truth can bring grief. 

Faith: A knight must have faith in his beliefs, for faith roots him and gives hope against the despair that human failings create. 
Humility: Value first the contributions of others; do not boast of your own accomplishments, let others do this for you. Tell the deeds of others before your own, according them the renown rightfully earned through virtuous deeds. In this way the office of knighthood is well done and glorified, helping not only the gentle spoken of but also all who call themselves knights. 

Largesse: Be generous in so far as your resources allow; largesse used in this way counters gluttony. It also makes the path of mercy easier to discern when a difficult decision of justice is required. 

Nobility: Seek great stature of character by holding to the virtues and duties of a knight, realizing that though the ideals cannot be reached, the quality of striving towards them ennobles the spirit, growing the character from dust towards the heavens. Nobility also has the tendency to influence others, offering a compelling example of what can be done in the service of rightness. 

Franchise: Seek to emulate everything I have spoken of as sincerely as possible, not for the reason of personal gain but because it is right. Do not restrict your exploration to a small world, but seek to infuse every aspect of your life with these qualities. Should you succeed in even a tiny measure then you will be well remembered for your quality and virtue. 

DP - One thing that I feel is missing here: "Fidelity" (from fidelis faithful, from fides faith, from fidere to trust): the quality or state of being faithful
synonyms FIDELITY, ALLEGIANCE, FEALTY, LOYALTY, DEVOTION, PIETY mean faithfulness to something to which one is bound by pledge or duty. FIDELITY implies strict and continuing faithfulness to an obligation, trust, or duty <marital fidelity>. ALLEGIANCE suggests an adherence like that of citizens to their country <pledging allegiance>. FEALTY implies a fidelity acknowledged by the individual and as compelling as a sworn vow <fealty to the truth>. LOYALTY implies a faithfulness that is steadfast in the face of any temptation to renounce, desert, or betray <valued the loyalty of his friends>. DEVOTION stresses zeal and service amounting to self-dedication <a painter's devotion to her art>. PIETY stresses fidelity to obligations regarded as natural and fundamental <filial piety>.


Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the petrol pumps, and one of them said to it, "Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The petrol pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the petrol pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Earthling, how dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The other alien shouted to his comrade, "No, you mustn't anger him!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired.

There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 yards across the road and into the desert, where they landed in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us! But how did you know he was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during all my travels through the galaxy, it's this: if a guy can stick himself into his own ear, don't mess with him!

Daffy Definitions:

Flitterbick - a mythical flying squirrel that flies so fast that no one has ever seen it. If it hits an adult in the head, it can kill them.
Jackalope - (Lepus-temperamentalus) is one of the rarest animals in the world. A cross between a now extinct pygmy-deer and a species of killer rabbit.
Hodag - The Hodag is over 7 feet long and 30 inches tall. It has bristly hair and spikes along its backbone and tail. The vise-like jaws will crush anything unlucky enough to get near the Hodag's menacing tusks and needle-sharp claws.

reported by Chris Pirillo

My mother started this habit of jumping up and down whenever I start talking too technical about her computer. She says she has to jump because she is trying to catch all that information that is over her head. Now this is an extreme case, of course, but all of us, at one time or another, have felt that something technology-related was over our heads. Wouldn't it just be a lot easier if there WERE an online dictionary related to technology? Well, there is now! TECHtionary is an online technology dictionary that doesn't just give you the definition of a technology term; in most cases it will show you an animation to help you learn what the term means. There have been times when someone has rattled off an acronym and because I knew the device by its actual name, I was lost. That's no longer a problem, now that I can look it up. Oh, and by the way? Now my mother doesn't have to invest so much money in sneakers with ankle support. 


_________ ALERT:

It was recently pointed out to me that the term "MeatSpace" wasn't universally understood. (light bulb goes ON) One of the purposes of The Funny/Alert Newsletter is to clear the fog that surrounds technology and make it more accessible. This empowers you, the reader, with knowledge necessary to make decisions, protect yourself from the unscrupulous and generally be conversant without appearing foolish. Hopefully, the readers of The Funny/Alert Newsletter are looked upon by their peers (no pun intended) as somewhat of a "guru", if not downright geeks! This would be a good thing.

Unfortunately, it appears that I've gone completely against the grain where clarity is concerned. (see the definition of ASSUME) So, in order to make things clear for current and future readers, I'm changing the name of this section. The new name should have the desired affect of showing the juxtaposition vs CYBERSPACE ALERT and broadening the expectation of the reader to include more than just beef & poultry articles. To the credit of my friend, his definition wasn't quite *that* narrow, but he at least had the gumption to point out my mistake to me. Thus benefiting the newsletter, current readership and future subscribers.

Thank you, Mr. Behling, for your continued support.

Email your ideas to: dpeer@thepeers.com

PS: the definition of "MeatSpace" is the opposite of CyberSpace. In CyberSpace you have a "presence", or what is known as an Avatar, that represents you to others. It may, or may not, accurately reflect who you are and/or what you think, say or do in your daily life. Whereas in MeatSpace you ARE your representative to others. Others can actually see, hear and feel your presence in what is commonly referred to as "reality."

Keeled Over
by Randy Cassingham 

My wife and I were in Oklahoma for business this summer, and stayed over the long Fourth of July weekend with Kay, my wife's best friend from grade school, and her husband Don. She and her husband are avid sailors. They have a large sailboat on Lake Texoma, so we decided to spend the holiday on their boat.

Unlike drought-choked Colorado, Oklahoma was green and lush, so while most of the Colorado Fourth of July fireworks shows were canceled, there were plenty of patriotic displays for us to see around the lake! We had a great time and then slept well gently rocking on the waves.

The next day we planned just to relax and eat some good Southern cooking, but the radio interrupted our plans. Over the marine band, we heard a boat calling the Coast Guard for help. It wasn't just anyone -- it was a good friend of Don's! They had run their boat aground and needed help off the rocks. The Coast Guard is happy to rescue people, but they don't pull boats off rocks. Don grabbed the radio and asked his friends if they wanted him to come. The relief in their voice was enormous -- "Please!"

Don and I jumped into his speedboat which was tied up in the next slip and headed to the scene. I drove as Don got some supplies ready, such as a heavy anchor rope. When we arrived we found indeed they were hard aground about 20 yards from the shore. As I slowly circled their boat, Don closely watched the depth finder to figure out the deepest part of the water so we knew which way to pull them, then tossed over the rope. But despite the big V-6 engine on the boat, we couldn't budge them.

By that time, dozens of boats had surrounded us so everyone could watch. One of them was a big "cigarette" racing boat, and they offered to try with their bigger engine. They gave a good yank -- and pulled the "D" ring out of their hull! That sailboat was REALLY stuck!

It was getting dark and time was running out, but Don got an idea. He asked his friend what he thought, and in desperation he agreed. Don got a rope attached to the very top of the sailboat's mast, and the cigarette boat tied up again to a different spot. I turned the wheel over to Don for this delicate and dangerous operation: Don pulled on the top of the mast to "keel" the sailboat over to the side, then the cigarette boat pulled hard on the front -- and the sailboat suddenly shot free from the rocks to deeper water.

When his friend was in need, Don didn't hesitate to instantly drop everything, including his dinner, to offer help. And not just that, but he stayed calm and deliberate so he could come up with an ingenious solution to save the day when pure brawn couldn't -- the kind of friend I like to have!

"I wish you enough!"
By Bob Perks

I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.

I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye." I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.

I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.

Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.

On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said goodbye."

She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you... Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.

But I learn from goodbye moments, too.

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."

They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.

So I knew what this man was experiencing.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."

He then began to sob and walked away.


Bill's Games
Free, award-winning web-based games for the whole family. Compatible with all browsers, including WorldGate, WebTV / MSNTV and AOL!

The Bill's Games website originated as "Bill Kendrick's Online Games," a section of Bill Kendrick's personal website, started while he was attending school as a Computer Science major at Sonoma State University. Starting with a simple BlackJack game in mid-1995, the site eventually grew into what we see today.

Every game on this site is free, requires no registration to use, and should work with almost any web browser, including Lynx, AOLTM, WebTVTM, and Sega NetLinkTM. No JavaTM, JavaScriptTM, cookies or frames is used. The entire site has been tested with Netscape 4.04 for Linux and Windows95, Lynx 2.8 for Linux, and WebTV Viewer 1.1 for Windows95.

This site is paid for out of pocket. Advertising sponsors (whose banner advertisements appear as you play the games) help ease the costs. Why are the games free? Because free is good! Quit asking questions and enjoy yourself!



Last Thursday a friend of mine sent me an email. In and of itself, that's not unusual. What tickled my funny-bone is the reason he sent it. He wanted to let me know about this great Anti-Virus software that he'd just installed. He had been watching TechTV and THEY thought it was pretty good. It was called AVG Anti-virus and it was FREE. Not only that, the article (apparently from their web site) said that it caught Klez in their tests!

Not to be out done, I reminded him that I had told him (and you, dear Reader) about this program last February and had also pointed everyone to it last July in an alert about 

You need to stop watching so much television and pay more attention to the newsletter!


Many times the best way to fight is not to fight at all.