Welcome to The Funny/Alerts Newsletter. Busy, busy, busy... It seems like the days are flying by. Must be that "work" thing ;) Well, whatever it is, it'll probably get better as time goes by. At least that's what my Dr. keeps telling me about my back. Speaking of the good Dr., I'm hoping to get my "Full Pardon" on Thursday when I go to see my back surgeon! I was "graduated" from physical therapy on Sep. 28th but I don't know if that means that I'd completed my course of study or that the insurance money ran out. ;) They did run me through a battery of tests and said that I have a normal range of motion. Still, I have to be careful or else the gremlins come.

===
GRINS & GIGGLES:

IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES 

IF I KNEW IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I'D SEE YOU FALL ASLEEP, I WOULD TUCK YOU IN MORE TIGHTLY AND PRAY THE LORD YOUR SOUL TO KEEP.

IF I KNEW IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME THAT I SEE YOU WALK OUT THE DOOR, I WOULD GIVE YOU A HUG AND KISS AND CALL YOU BACK FOR ONE MORE.

IF I KNEW IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I'D HEAR YOUR VOICE LIFTED UP IN PRAISE, I WOULD VIDEOTAPE EACH ACTION AND WORD, SO I COULD PLAY THEM BACK DAY AFTER DAY.

IF I KNEW IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME, I COULD SPARE AN EXTRA MINUTE OR TWO TO STOP AND SAY "I LOVE YOU," INSTEAD OF ASSUMING, YOU WOULD KNOW I DO.

IF I KNEW IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I WOULD BE THERE TO SHARE YOUR DAY, WELL, I'M SURE YOU'LL HAVE SO MANY MORE, SO I CAN LET JUST THIS ONE SLIP AWAY.

FOR SURELY THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW TO MAKE UP FOR AN OVERSIGHT, AND WE ALWAYS GET A SECOND CHANCE TO MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT.

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER DAY TO SAY OUR " I LOVE YOU'S," AND CERTAINLY THERE'S ANOTHER CHANCE TO SAY OUR "ANYTHING I CAN DO'S?"

BUT JUST IN CASE I MIGHT BE WRONG, AND TODAY IS ALL I GET, I'D LIKE TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE WE NEVER FORGET.

TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED TO ANYONE, YOUNG OR OLD ALIKE, AND TODAY MAY BE THE LAST CHANCE YOU GET TO HOLD YOUR LOVED ONE TIGHT.

SO IF YOU'RE WAITING FOR TOMORROW, WHY NOT DO IT TODAY? FOR IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES, YOU'LL SURELY REGRET THE DAY THAT YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE EXTRA TIME FOR A SMILE, A HUG, OR A KISS, AND YOU WERE TOO BUSY TO GRANT SOMEONE WHAT TURNED OUT TO BE THEIR ONE LAST WISH.

SO HOLD YOUR LOVE ONES CLOSE TODAY, WHISPER IN THEIR EAR, TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM AND THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS HOLD THEM DEAR.

TAKE TIME TO SAY "I'M SORRY," "PLEASE FORGIVE ME," "THANK YOU," OR "IT'S OKAY," AND IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES, YOU'LL HAVE NO REGRETS ABOUT TODAY.

[thanks to Anne Peer for this one]

===
MEATSPACE ALERT:
National Flag Foundation 

{Long may she wave} There's been a lot of American flags flying recently - and rightfully so. It's a simple way to show love for your country. But how much do we Americans really know about our flag? Take a tour through this site and learn some stuff you might not know. For example, I didn't know a flag expert was called a "vexillologist." I just always used to call 'em "flag experts." Perusing the etiquette page ensures that you'll always display our flag correctly. Of course, you should know how to display your nation's flag no matter what country you happen to be from. "The Foundation's mission is to teach the youth of America to have pride for the flag and to become more responsible citizens." 

http://www.americanflags.org/

===
TRUE STORY:
As soon as the soot and dirt and ash rained down... We became one color. As we carried each other down the stairs of the burning building... We became one class. As we lit candles of waiting and hope... We became one generation. As the fire fighters and police officers fought their way into the inferno... We became one gender. As we fell to our knees in prayer for strength... We became one faith. As we whispered or shouted words of encouragement... We spoke one language. As we gave our blood in lines a mile long... We became as one body. As we mourned together the great loss... We became one family. As we cried tears of grief... We became one soul. As we retell with pride of the sacrifice of heroes... We become one people. 

We are One color 
One class 
One generation 
One gender 
One faith
One language 
One body 
One family 
One soul 
One people 

WE ARE THE POWER OF ONE. WE ARE UNITED. WE ARE AMERICA 

===
DUMB CRIMINALS:

ON-THE-JOB TRAINING: Railroad dispatchers in Johnson County, Texas, were a bit startled when they got a radio call from a Union Pacific freight train, fully loaded and parked in the yard. The man on the radio asked how to release the train's brakes. A railroad engineer who heard the call ran over to the train and held Kristopher Huie, 22, until the sheriff arrived. "I asked him what he wanted to do with the train," said sheriff Bob Alford. "He said he wanted to visit his family and friends." Huie was arrested on felony theft charges. (Reuters) ...Even if he had gotten away, he would have been easy to track down.


WHAT PRICE FRIENDSHIP? Police in Winter Haven, Fla., wanted Randall Keith Adcock on kidnaping charges. A reward was offered, but police got no tips until the reward was raised. "I think around the $1,000 mark he probably still had some friends," said Polk County Sheriff Lawrence Crow. "But at $5,000, I don't think the friendship was affordable. We had more than one call. We had multiple calls." The callers gave enough information for Adcock to be captured. (Tampa Tribune) ...Dinnertime discussion question for this week: how much would YOUR friends hold out for?


PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING: "Woman Says Legs Are Too Long but Complainants Say Skirt Is Too Short" -- PA headline

HAVE YOU SEEN THE silly photo of a tourist supposedly standing on top of the World Trade Center -- and in the background a jet is heading toward the building he's standing on? I have: again and again. Happily, MOST people who sent it knew it was a hoax, but a few thought it was real. (The date stamp on the photo showing "9/11/2001" was just too perfect!)

If you'd like to see it AND a number of hysterical takeoffs showing that "tourist" at the scene of many other disasters, take a look at http://www.sillygirl.com/hoax.html -- a preview page on Cathie Walker's new web site, coming soon. (If you recognize Cathie's name, she was the brains behind the "Centre for the Easily Amused". That site was bought up by Universal/Vivendi -- and then, even though it was one of the FEW sites in their portfolio to be actually making a profit, they SHUT IT DOWN! Cathie offered to buy the site back, but they said no! They just pulled the plug. You might want to sell your Universal stock ...and watch for SillyGirl to open later this month.)

===
HARDWARE:
P4 Memory: New Options
Intel's Pentium 4 can finally be matched with SDRAM and DDR SDRAM, not just costly RDRAM modules. What's your best buy?
by Tom Mainelli

Previously, if you wanted Intel's Pentium 4, you had to buy a PC with pricey RDRAM. But now Intel has released its PC-133 SDRAM-based chip set, the 
845, and Via Technologies has launched its unlicensed chip set, the P4X266, which pairs the P4 with DDR memory. So which offers you the best combination of value and performance?

Each memory type has its proponents. Cost-conscious upgraders and IT groups want an SDRAM chip set for the P4 because SDRAM is an inexpensive and trusted memory type. DDR--formally, DDR SDRAM--is also fairly cheap and promises better performance, which excites some PC enthusiasts. Intel, RDRAM's strongest advocate, contends that RDRAM-based PCs offer the very highest performance.

Behind the Numbers
Industry analysts have long stated that the combination of P4 and RDRAM would offer the best performance because Intel and Rambus, RDRAM's creator, designed the technologies to complement each other. The P4's front side bus supports transfers of up to 3.2GB per second, as does two-channel RDRAM. At best, DDR can support 2.1-GBps transfers; SDRAM offers a maximum rate of 1 GBps. So how did the DDR-based PC outrun the RDRAM unit?

Senior analyst Kevin Krewell of research firm MicroDesign Resources suggests RDRAM's large bandwidth may not offer much benefit with standard business applications--the ones most people use. RDRAM's bandwidth may come in handy for processing multimedia (such as video or music streaming), which uses large chunks of data, but it's not fully utilized in business apps, which use short bursts of data, he says. In tackling those short data bursts, 
RDRAM suffers from its biggest drawback, longer latency, which is the amount of time between when a CPU requests data from memory and when it actually arrives.

RDRAM's fast bus may simply be more than is necessary for most of today's applications, Krewell adds.

Top Value
Until more programs that need RDRAM arrive, DDR's shorter latency and lower cost make it a good option for performance-minded users. And Via's $1300 estimated price for our test PC makes the platform a bargain. Users unwilling to embrace Via to get a P4 DDR PC should have an Intel option in early 2002.

(Intel has filed suit against Via to get the unlicensed chip set pulled off the market, which may give buyers pause. For its part, Via has filed patent suits against Intel relating to the P4 CPU.)

SDRAM P4 PCs should offer a decent balance of value and performance. Dell has aggressively priced its RDRAM-based 8100 at $2099, while the SDRAM-based 4300 should cost a somewhat high $2079. We expect most SDRAM PCs to offer larger savings over their RDRAM counterparts than the Dell units do. If you work often with bandwidth-intensive apps, your best bet may be an RDRAM-based system, despite its premium.

Upgrades: More Memory, Please 
Whether you use SDRAM, DDR, or RDRAM in your system, more is better. And with memory at ridiculously low prices--thanks in part to low demand from slumping PC sales--there's no reason to skimp on this vital part of your system.

Too little memory can throttle the performance of even a new PC with a fast CPU. And additional RAM is one of the most cost-effective ways to boost an older system's performance.

If you don't have enough RAM, your PC must constantly retrieve information directly from your hard drive, explains Stephen Rodriguez, director of strategic initiatives at memory vendor Kingston Technology. A hard drive is fast, but nowhere near as fast as memory, he says.

===
SOFTWARE:
Windows Start menu

Running out of room on the Start menu? Right-click the TASKBAR, select PROPERTIES, then select SHOW SMALL ICONS. Click OK. While this reduces the size of those superfluous icons, thankfully, it doesn't reduce the size of the text.

Want to re-order your START menu items? Just drag! Click and drag an item to move it. If you start moving an item and you change your mind, press ESC.

===
LIFE:
Discover Yoga for Your Health
David Simon, MD
The Chopra Center for Well Being

According to Ayurveda, the ancient healing system of India, everyone’s personality has a mixture of three elements -- Earth, Wind and Fire. These elements determine who you are and how you deal with life. Everyday stresses and tensions can cause one or more of these elements to go out of balance. Result: Unhappiness, restlessness or discontent. Yoga, Ayurveda teaches, restores these elements to their proper balance. Which exercises are best depends on your dominant personality type.

EARTH PERSONALITY
Earth people tend to be easygoing, sweet-natured and supportive. When they’re stressed, they may gain weight... have trouble getting up in the morning... and hang on to destructive circumstances and relationships. Helpful exercise: The Sun Salutation. While standing, take a deep breath and extend both arms over your head. Exhale and lower your hands until they’re touching the floor near the outsides of your feet -- bend your knees as much as necessary. After this, stretch your right leg behind you while bending the left knee, as though tying your shoe. While stretching your leg backward, look forward. Bring your left foot back even with your right. Breathing easily, raise your buttocks by using your hands to walk your upper body backward toward your legs. 
Your hands will be on the floor and your bottom high in the air. Finally, stand straight with hands at your sides, and relax. Repeat from the beginning, stretching your left leg behind you. When you do this exercise vigorously, it will increase your circulation and reduce the heaviness that is common in Earth types.

FIRE PERSONALITY
Fire personalities are intelligent, passionate and intense. If they develop too much fire, they may get irritated and become critical. Digestion problems and high blood pressure may also occur. Helpful exercise: The Half-Lotus Posture. Sit on the floor, knees bent with one leg crossed over the other. Rest your hands on your knees, close your eyes, and become aware of your abdominal breathing by focusing on your stomach rising and falling. Do this for a few minutes. Aim: To get more connected with your body so you aren’t so driven by the mind.

WIND PERSONALITY
People with a predominance of wind are usually thin, quick-moving and enthusiastic. Stress can make them excessively turbulent. Their minds start racing, they may have anxiety or insomnia, and digestion may become irregular. Helpful exercise: The Diamond Pose. Kneel down, and sit back on your heels. Hold your hands loosely in your lap, keeping your back straight. Using your thigh muscles, slowly raise yourself off your heels a few inches. Hold the position for several seconds, then slowly lower your bottom back onto your heels. 
Repeat it several times. This is a grounding exercise that helps stop the mind from racing.

===
QUICK WIT:

Everything that people say or do is ultimately rooted in the belief that those actions will lead them to happiness.